"The Lord gives
And the Lord takes away."
And the Lord takes away."
When looking into the past, I see the facts, or I see the opinions, or I see a dream. I wish it could be clearer; I wish it were somewhere on paper, in which case I would just peruse the pages of my history instead of playing a guessing game, very likely losing at it.
And it is very likely that all I am writing is a recollection of a failure to master the ability of living in the moment, despite writing as a present creature.
I am multidimensional. So often I separate myself entirely from reality, entirely from the status quo of my person, and I don't know what it means by doing that. Suppose for yourself that it is a defense mechanism, and feel psychiatric about it. Pretend that separation is your weapon, your gun in the war against your archenemy, abandonment, and recall all the times you've used it. After all, how can you be abandoned by solitude itself? You've killed and shot your company, reality, and every soul with every potential to change your heart and mind.
Present day:
I have stopped documenting. Something is so terribly wrong and I can't name it. I can't describe it. I can't do anything to fix it.
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