EDIT 4-1-2011: So, this is where I was a year ago. This was that one post about friendship that I thought had gotten deleted (accidentally) forever ago.
Showing posts with label school. Show all posts
Showing posts with label school. Show all posts
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Monday, April 5, 2010
I had a really epic post on "friendship,"
A post that I had been working on for a couple of days, that, at any rate, got deleted by one of my siblings in endeavors unknown to me on my computer.
Thus, long story short:
1) Raised not to need people
2) Stuck to that
3) Get real lonely sometimes
4) Realized that I probably do need people, so I'm making the efforts to reverse my previous mindset.
End of story.
And in other news, I've been working on breaking my addiction to negativity, and I must say, it's not so bad to choose to be positive. I actually end up feeling a bit better, which has never been what I wanted, but what I needed. I'm also going to be taking intensive language courses at NCSU from May 17th-June 30th, meaning, I will have approximately 10 days to make moneys for rent (living with John's sister in Raleigh), and then back to school. Intense, 6-hours-of-Hindi-class school, and I am hella excited about it, too. I'm also getting a part-time job, probably babysitting or something of that nature. Yes, sir, it is my goal to prove myself capable.
But, jeeze, I want to just have some time to read Murakami. Why Murakami, you ask? His wisdom is as supreme as a team, an ice cream, a flying dream. Oh, Kafka, you and your shore you tempt me so!
Thus, long story short:
1) Raised not to need people
2) Stuck to that
3) Get real lonely sometimes
4) Realized that I probably do need people, so I'm making the efforts to reverse my previous mindset.
End of story.
And in other news, I've been working on breaking my addiction to negativity, and I must say, it's not so bad to choose to be positive. I actually end up feeling a bit better, which has never been what I wanted, but what I needed. I'm also going to be taking intensive language courses at NCSU from May 17th-June 30th, meaning, I will have approximately 10 days to make moneys for rent (living with John's sister in Raleigh), and then back to school. Intense, 6-hours-of-Hindi-class school, and I am hella excited about it, too. I'm also getting a part-time job, probably babysitting or something of that nature. Yes, sir, it is my goal to prove myself capable.
But, jeeze, I want to just have some time to read Murakami. Why Murakami, you ask? His wisdom is as supreme as a team, an ice cream, a flying dream. Oh, Kafka, you and your shore you tempt me so!
That monkey is me.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
just saw a couple of tasty-looking recipes.
Okay, so this first one isn't vegan, I know, but it looks absolutely delicious to me. It may be the juxtaposition of the green with the white and yellow, I don't really know. But possibly replace the egg with a really nice campari tomato and a nice bit of macadamia cheese, salt, pepper, and voila! Vegan.
The second recipe is vegan, and raw, too. I've been interested in this whole "raw revolution" deal that seems to be popping up at random times (well, I guess if you research the things that I research, anyway) and intriguing me every time. I always think to myself, "I could try that! It would be so easy!" but then I remember that my fridge is only...so...big, and by that I mean, it's not big at all. Perhaps, when I have an apartment or something (and a much bigger fridge), next semester I will be able to make the "raw revolution" happen to my diet, because I feel incredible when I eat as raw as possible.
Okay, so that is the end of my foodie talk for now. I found out yesterday that I made an A- on my Russian 442 paper (would have been higher if it had been longer) and a B+ on my midterm (missed one identification question), which translates to me, I AIN'T DOIN' THAT BADLY AFTER ALL! I have been incredibly worried all semester about that class, admittedly being unable to finish a single one of the reading assignments in their entirety. After all, they were all hefty, at least 150 pages per 2 nights, and sometimes more over the weekends, and I have been ever-blessed with a slow-but-meticulous ability to read quickly...or interestedly.
And it was never that I found an assignment to be uninteresting! Absolutely not. I find Russian literature to be enrapturing, intriguing, and revealing, to a tee, the most delicate and dark issues of humanity...
I'm just a slow reader. A distracted reader. A reader that falls asleep while reading. It's a horrible thing to happen to a college student.
But, ah. There wasn't a single correction mark on my paper. I was so anxious; I simply turned the paper over when he handed it to me--I wasn't even sure that he knew who I was because I am quiet in class (another thing I need to work on). I was planning on simply looking at it later on, under the privacy of some shady tree or lofted bed, but then I saw the mirror image of an "A-" from the back of the stapled pages, and had to look to make sure that I wasn't hallucinating.
The A- gave me the courage to look at my blue book, also known as my midterm...the midterm that was based on all of the readings that we had done up until that point...so, about 4 books and 4-6 short stories or so (and by short story, I mean 30-70 page reading assignment). I figured that I was going to be B.S.'ing the crap out of myself (no nasty potty-pun intended, here) for that test before I took it, for obvious reasons. Ah, it worked out well. Well enough for the last half of the semester anyway.
I have vowed to take responsibility for my free time and actually do my reading assignments to the best of my abilities for the remainder of this semester...yes, that's what the suckage of Spring Break did to me...motivated me for some reason.
Anyhow, Physical Fitness Assessment (PFA) in the morning (0545) for AFROTC...and a hell of a lot of Spanish catching-up to do before I can feel fully satisfied with my life.
Hah. Just kidding. It's probably never going to happen with this young chile.
The second recipe is vegan, and raw, too. I've been interested in this whole "raw revolution" deal that seems to be popping up at random times (well, I guess if you research the things that I research, anyway) and intriguing me every time. I always think to myself, "I could try that! It would be so easy!" but then I remember that my fridge is only...so...big, and by that I mean, it's not big at all. Perhaps, when I have an apartment or something (and a much bigger fridge), next semester I will be able to make the "raw revolution" happen to my diet, because I feel incredible when I eat as raw as possible.
Okay, so that is the end of my foodie talk for now. I found out yesterday that I made an A- on my Russian 442 paper (would have been higher if it had been longer) and a B+ on my midterm (missed one identification question), which translates to me, I AIN'T DOIN' THAT BADLY AFTER ALL! I have been incredibly worried all semester about that class, admittedly being unable to finish a single one of the reading assignments in their entirety. After all, they were all hefty, at least 150 pages per 2 nights, and sometimes more over the weekends, and I have been ever-blessed with a slow-but-meticulous ability to read quickly...or interestedly.
And it was never that I found an assignment to be uninteresting! Absolutely not. I find Russian literature to be enrapturing, intriguing, and revealing, to a tee, the most delicate and dark issues of humanity...
I'm just a slow reader. A distracted reader. A reader that falls asleep while reading. It's a horrible thing to happen to a college student.
But, ah. There wasn't a single correction mark on my paper. I was so anxious; I simply turned the paper over when he handed it to me--I wasn't even sure that he knew who I was because I am quiet in class (another thing I need to work on). I was planning on simply looking at it later on, under the privacy of some shady tree or lofted bed, but then I saw the mirror image of an "A-" from the back of the stapled pages, and had to look to make sure that I wasn't hallucinating.
The A- gave me the courage to look at my blue book, also known as my midterm...the midterm that was based on all of the readings that we had done up until that point...so, about 4 books and 4-6 short stories or so (and by short story, I mean 30-70 page reading assignment). I figured that I was going to be B.S.'ing the crap out of myself (no nasty potty-pun intended, here) for that test before I took it, for obvious reasons. Ah, it worked out well. Well enough for the last half of the semester anyway.
I have vowed to take responsibility for my free time and actually do my reading assignments to the best of my abilities for the remainder of this semester...yes, that's what the suckage of Spring Break did to me...motivated me for some reason.
Anyhow, Physical Fitness Assessment (PFA) in the morning (0545) for AFROTC...and a hell of a lot of Spanish catching-up to do before I can feel fully satisfied with my life.
Hah. Just kidding. It's probably never going to happen with this young chile.
3-14-2010, moleskine
Ink in the well.
Rocks in the well.
Water in the well.
Baby in the well.
3-15-2010, moleskine
...It made me wonder how I got there,
who dealt me those cards--
It wasn't even about me
or because of me.
I was simply there, I had fallen,
for myself, into that well,
and it had nothing to do with those cards.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
It's been a while...
Since I've blogged. Blawged. Blauged. Yeah, that last spelling was a little bit weird. Anyway.
This semester is panning out to be a good one, at least so far. Twelve hours is pretty easy to manage, after having dropped my Intuitive Calculus class because it was another one of those taught-by-TA/grad student courses that was pretty ridiculous. The teacher was a really condescending person, and had very little teaching ability. He was good at bringing up random but interesting facts in class, though, not that those really counted for much.
My Russian Literature and Culture from 1945 course is incredible. I'm pretty far behind on the reading, as is usual for me in any literature course, but the lectures are simply...remarkable. I would love to upload a clip of my teacher, his accent and all. I become so captivated by his accent and enthusiasm during class, that it is pretty difficult for me to not pay attention. However, I have found my mind following little rabbit trails from the topics we cover. I don't contribute much to class, unfortunately, because I am so far behind on my reading (we usually have 100+ pages per night). But, I am working hard to catch up on what I feel is crucial to the class. We've already read 4 books, 2 course packet short stories, and I've got another course packet assignment before today at 2...oooh, twelve hours from right now.
In other news, everyone is pretty correct in saying that the Spring Semester is a fairly relaxing semester (despite the nearly existential hangups I get about grades and the "battle" against grade inflation here...I could go on for hours about how I simply cannot sign my life over to school work and the goal of attaining the highest possible grades), though I tend to keep myself busy in as many ways as possible, as I am a very self-entertained person. My room has been maintained well, also. I've been sort of just making the best of my dorm and looking ahead, towards the time next semester when I will be living in an apartment or a small house somewhere on The Hill or in a nearby town, close enough to school to grab a bus, bike, or maybe even walk if the rain, snow, wind, sleet, whatever-crappy-weather-have-you ceases. I long for the summer.
Or at least spring. I've been reminiscing about time living in the country. I remember so vividly how everything would just explode with blossoms, even the grass. The first sign were those bushes completely covered with yellow blossoms in February. Then came the camelias in March, the daffodils and the crab apple trees in mid-late April with flitting butterflies in the branches, the rest of the trees after that, and lilies of various kinds. Then, the fruit trees would blossom, and we would plant lettuces and spinach, broccoli, and cauliflower in our huge dirt patch of a garden, and pick whatever grew first. I remember walking barefoot through the mist to that garden minutes before supper to basically hew away our dinner salad. My feet would be covered in grass and clay, but it just felt so good to smoosh the earth beneath and through my toes. It felt like life back then, so fresh and clear-headed, and more connected to nature than I feel life is now. Nature feels a lot less accessible here and now. What is accessible here and now are books and research resources, and a lot of imported salad greens.
Repulsive...
There are times when I feel trapped. I wish that I would have taken that gap year. I wish that I would have gone to a different school, a less serious school...sometimes. I wish I would have moved away and gotten a job and figured out some things about myself.
Wishes are really just inkling remains of missed opportunities. A door only slightly out of reach at one point in time...
I hate feeling like I've resigned to not even try to reopen those closed doors...not even knock. 'Cause if I tried-- what if the door opened after all?
This semester is panning out to be a good one, at least so far. Twelve hours is pretty easy to manage, after having dropped my Intuitive Calculus class because it was another one of those taught-by-TA/grad student courses that was pretty ridiculous. The teacher was a really condescending person, and had very little teaching ability. He was good at bringing up random but interesting facts in class, though, not that those really counted for much.
My Russian Literature and Culture from 1945 course is incredible. I'm pretty far behind on the reading, as is usual for me in any literature course, but the lectures are simply...remarkable. I would love to upload a clip of my teacher, his accent and all. I become so captivated by his accent and enthusiasm during class, that it is pretty difficult for me to not pay attention. However, I have found my mind following little rabbit trails from the topics we cover. I don't contribute much to class, unfortunately, because I am so far behind on my reading (we usually have 100+ pages per night). But, I am working hard to catch up on what I feel is crucial to the class. We've already read 4 books, 2 course packet short stories, and I've got another course packet assignment before today at 2...oooh, twelve hours from right now.
In other news, everyone is pretty correct in saying that the Spring Semester is a fairly relaxing semester (despite the nearly existential hangups I get about grades and the "battle" against grade inflation here...I could go on for hours about how I simply cannot sign my life over to school work and the goal of attaining the highest possible grades), though I tend to keep myself busy in as many ways as possible, as I am a very self-entertained person. My room has been maintained well, also. I've been sort of just making the best of my dorm and looking ahead, towards the time next semester when I will be living in an apartment or a small house somewhere on The Hill or in a nearby town, close enough to school to grab a bus, bike, or maybe even walk if the rain, snow, wind, sleet, whatever-crappy-weather-have-you ceases. I long for the summer.
Or at least spring. I've been reminiscing about time living in the country. I remember so vividly how everything would just explode with blossoms, even the grass. The first sign were those bushes completely covered with yellow blossoms in February. Then came the camelias in March, the daffodils and the crab apple trees in mid-late April with flitting butterflies in the branches, the rest of the trees after that, and lilies of various kinds. Then, the fruit trees would blossom, and we would plant lettuces and spinach, broccoli, and cauliflower in our huge dirt patch of a garden, and pick whatever grew first. I remember walking barefoot through the mist to that garden minutes before supper to basically hew away our dinner salad. My feet would be covered in grass and clay, but it just felt so good to smoosh the earth beneath and through my toes. It felt like life back then, so fresh and clear-headed, and more connected to nature than I feel life is now. Nature feels a lot less accessible here and now. What is accessible here and now are books and research resources, and a lot of imported salad greens.
Repulsive...
There are times when I feel trapped. I wish that I would have taken that gap year. I wish that I would have gone to a different school, a less serious school...sometimes. I wish I would have moved away and gotten a job and figured out some things about myself.
Wishes are really just inkling remains of missed opportunities. A door only slightly out of reach at one point in time...
I hate feeling like I've resigned to not even try to reopen those closed doors...not even knock. 'Cause if I tried-- what if the door opened after all?
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