just saw a couple of tasty-looking recipes.

Okay, so this first one isn't vegan, I know, but it looks absolutely delicious to me. It may be the juxtaposition of the green with the white and yellow, I don't really know. But possibly replace the egg with a really nice campari tomato and a nice bit of macadamia cheese, salt, pepper, and voila! Vegan.

The second recipe  is vegan, and raw, too. I've been interested in this whole "raw revolution" deal that seems to be popping up at random times (well, I guess if you research the things that I research, anyway) and intriguing me every time. I always think to myself, "I could try that! It would be so easy!" but then I remember that my fridge is only...so...big, and by that I mean, it's not big at all. Perhaps, when I have an apartment or something (and a much bigger fridge), next semester I will be able to make the "raw revolution" happen to my diet, because I feel incredible when I eat as raw as possible.


Okay, so that is the end of my foodie talk for now. I found out yesterday that I made an A- on my Russian 442 paper (would have been higher if it had been longer) and a B+ on my midterm (missed one identification question), which translates to me, I AIN'T DOIN' THAT BADLY AFTER ALL! I have been incredibly worried all semester about that class, admittedly being unable to finish a single one of the reading assignments in their entirety. After all, they were all hefty, at least 150 pages per 2 nights, and sometimes more over the weekends, and I have been ever-blessed with a slow-but-meticulous ability to read quickly...or interestedly.

And it was never that I found an assignment to be uninteresting! Absolutely not. I find Russian literature to be enrapturing, intriguing, and revealing, to a tee, the most delicate and dark issues of humanity...

I'm just a slow reader. A distracted reader. A reader that falls asleep while reading. It's a horrible thing to happen to a college student.

But, ah. There wasn't a single correction mark on my paper. I was so anxious; I simply turned the paper over when he handed it to me--I wasn't even sure that he knew who I was because I am quiet in class (another thing I need to work on). I was planning on simply looking at it later on, under the privacy of some shady tree or lofted bed, but then I saw the mirror image of an "A-" from the back of the stapled pages, and had to look to make sure that I wasn't hallucinating.

The A- gave me the courage to look at my blue book, also known as my midterm...the midterm that was based on all of the readings that we had done up until that point...so, about 4 books and 4-6 short stories or so (and by short story, I mean 30-70 page reading assignment). I figured that I was going to be B.S.'ing the crap out of myself (no nasty potty-pun intended, here) for that test before I took it, for obvious reasons. Ah, it worked out well. Well enough for the last half of the semester anyway.

I have vowed to take responsibility for my free time and actually do my reading assignments to the best of my abilities for the remainder of this semester...yes, that's what the suckage of Spring Break did to me...motivated me for some reason.

Anyhow, Physical Fitness Assessment (PFA) in the morning (0545) for AFROTC...and a hell of a lot of Spanish catching-up to do before I can feel fully satisfied with my life.

Hah. Just kidding. It's probably never going to happen with this young chile.

3-14-2010, moleskine

Ink in the well.

Rocks in the well.

Water in the well.

Baby in the well.

3-15-2010, moleskine

...It made me wonder how I got there,

who dealt me those cards--

It wasn't even about me

or because of me.

I was simply there, I had fallen,

for myself, into that well,

and it had nothing to do with those cards.

Going vegan.

If anything good at all has resulted from Spring Break thus far, it is my recent decision to go vegan. I give most of the credit for this decision to the Hallelujah Acres diet, inspiring people to "self-heal" since 1992. (Note: I am not actually doing the diet, but sort of just taking from it what I can realistically apply to my current gastronomical practices)

I've just been noticing my recent lack of energy lately. Even with enough sleep, I'm tired more often than I'd like. There's this "slump" during the day when I'm like *omgreachesforchocolate*, feeling like I'm going to either pass out or simply just drop, dead-tired. Moreover, the fatigue takes over my mental state, and it's just downhill from there with depression, extreme negativity, etc...as if I did not already have enough problems with motivation and time management.

I just feel the need to clean up my life, straighten things out. This break has brought to the surface a good deal of "issue" and "concern" that I had forgotten about, mostly harboured by my family, but mostly true nonetheless. Yeah, that was a really loaded statement. A lot is going on.

But on the menu for the daily:

NanoGreens
Pink Lady Apple Oatmeal
Arugula (very tasty, if you have never tried it)
Ethiopian lentil dish (a recipe of my own)
Curried cabbage and carrots
Raw beet hummus and carrots
Lots and lots of chocolate, dairy-free, of course.

It's been a while...

Since I've blogged. Blawged. Blauged. Yeah, that last spelling was a little bit weird. Anyway.

This semester is panning out to be a good one, at least so far. Twelve hours is pretty easy to manage, after having dropped my Intuitive Calculus class because it was another one of those taught-by-TA/grad student courses that was pretty ridiculous. The teacher was a really condescending person, and had very little teaching ability. He was good at bringing up random but interesting facts in class, though, not that those really counted for much.

My Russian Literature and Culture from 1945 course is incredible. I'm pretty far behind on the reading, as is usual for me in any literature course, but the lectures are simply...remarkable. I would love to upload a clip of my teacher, his accent and all. I become so captivated by his accent and enthusiasm during class, that it is pretty difficult for me to not pay attention. However, I have found my mind following little rabbit trails from the topics we cover. I don't contribute much to class, unfortunately, because I am so far behind on my reading (we usually have 100+ pages per night). But, I am working hard to catch up on what I feel is crucial to the class. We've already read 4 books, 2 course packet short stories, and I've got another course packet assignment before today at 2...oooh, twelve hours from right now.

In other news, everyone is pretty correct in saying that the Spring Semester is a fairly relaxing semester (despite the nearly existential hangups I get about grades and the "battle" against grade inflation here...I could go on for hours about how I simply cannot sign my life over to school work and the goal of attaining the highest possible grades), though I tend to keep myself busy in as many ways as possible, as I am a very self-entertained person. My room has been maintained well, also. I've been sort of just making the best of my dorm and looking ahead,  towards the time next semester when I will be living in an apartment or a small house somewhere on The Hill or in a nearby town, close enough to school to grab a bus, bike, or maybe even walk if the rain, snow, wind, sleet, whatever-crappy-weather-have-you ceases. I long for the summer.

Or at least spring. I've been reminiscing about time living in the country. I remember so vividly how everything would just explode with blossoms, even the grass. The first sign were those bushes completely covered with yellow blossoms in February. Then came the camelias in March, the daffodils and the crab apple trees in mid-late April with flitting butterflies in the branches, the rest of the trees after that, and lilies of various kinds. Then, the fruit trees would blossom, and we would plant lettuces and spinach, broccoli, and cauliflower in our huge dirt patch of a garden, and pick whatever grew first. I remember walking barefoot through the mist to that garden minutes before supper to basically hew away our dinner salad. My feet would be covered in grass and clay, but it just felt so good to smoosh the earth beneath and through my toes. It felt like life back then, so fresh and clear-headed, and more connected to nature than I feel life is now. Nature feels a lot less accessible here and now. What is accessible here and now are books and research resources, and a lot of imported salad greens.

Repulsive...

There are times when I feel trapped. I wish that I would have taken that gap year. I wish that I would have gone to a different school, a less serious school...sometimes. I wish I would have moved away and gotten a job and figured out some things about myself.

Wishes are really just inkling remains of missed opportunities. A door only slightly out of reach at one point in time...

I hate feeling like I've resigned to not even try to reopen those closed doors...not even knock. 'Cause if I tried-- what if the door opened after all?

"not angry, just not drunk enough to be amenable."

This Christmas roadtrip (and "vacation") has had its ups and downs, like always. The fun times were few and far between, and way too much eating took place. At least the kitchen was a place of commonality, though. That's important when it comes to me and extended family.

A couple highlights:

Christmas Supper

Grandpa E. and Bubbles brought fresh goat milk, along with their sons (my trouble-making uncles), and it was so good. I have never had such amazing goat milk. I drank it with supper. And yes, it included green chile. 

Isaiah’s and Bella’s birthday party

Although their birthdays are 4 months apart, we celebrated it all on Isaiah’s birthday, the 26^th, and voila, a ton of family shows up, some that I knew, or had met once. It was an interesting experience, and a lot of fun just hearing the parents’ stories from way-back-when, and sharing future plans amongst the older children and advice-ready adults. Weirdly, this event took place amongst both sides of my family, and everyone knew each other already? It was odd.

Bowling

Who ever knew that I would be so terrible at bowling, but occasionally lucky? My grandmother was trying to give me some tips at how to hold the ball and throw it (roll it? Toss it?), and I was so focused while practicing, that my ball rolled right out of my hands and into my Uncle E’s lane, throwing him completely off his game and getting zero pins on his first turn. He promptly grabbed me and made me “bowl with him,” resulting in a strike. So, maybe I’m better at random luck than real skill. Who knows?

Skiing

Okay, so, we usually ski Telluride, but this year, Powderhorn it was. Much to my dislike, it was incredibly small and there were tons of people everywhere. However, I had a LOT of fun. A LOT.

I’ve never been one to take risks, but this time, I took some serious ones. Ones that nearly killed me from fright or general accident (mind you, I’ve only skied two other times in my ENTIRE life). After taking two runs down hills exceeding my experience, I was getting much more comfortable with my skiing ability, or potential ability, really. I finished out the run somehow skiing on my back down a near-vertical slope. It was fantastic.

I am a great skier, and cannot wait until next time. In all seriousness, I had fun.

Single-handedly preparing an enormous meal for my family

Oy, vey, I have a big family. I prepared stuffed lamb, honeyed duck and wild grouse with cherry-orange confit, gnocchi in two different forms (one, as a first course with cream sauce, goat cheese, salad all sprinkled pomegranate seeds; two, with artichokes, olives, onions, tomatoes), sautéed zucchini, and…I think that is all. Oh, yeah, homemade hummus.

I wasn’t too impressed, things didn’t taste right to me…but everyone else was really happy with the food, so it was a job well-done.

An unfriendly textual run-in with The Ex

I accidentally sent him a joke picture of my knee because the first three digits of his phone number are the same as my current boyfriend’s phone number. I never said I was mature.

I didn’t realize it until he later texted me back while I was in deep thought, contemplating my anger pertaining to why I was not going ice fishing the next day, and all of the intricately maintained relationships I have in my life.

He was so friendly, too.

“What’s the goddamn point?” he said.

I was confused. I didn’t really understand why he was texting me, or what in the world he was talking about…

Then it clicked: John had said that he never got the picture, and I had thought that there was just a network error or something, and altogether, I didn’t think anything of it. But the picture—the ABSURD picture—went to The Ex. Geeze, rote memory, how I loathe thee sometimes. I was mortified, more so than I should have been, I think.

I apologized, and with sincerity told him what happened, and of course, I got whatever’d. So, I apologized again, as I have never been one to be unnecessarily harsh to him, and he said something along the lines of “I don’t think I’ve made it clear enough. I NEVER want to hear from you again, in ANY form of communication.” By then, my mortification had evolved into anger, and I responded with more than a few unkind words. I mean, I really told him what was what, and that if he knew what was best, he wouldn’t text me back.

And he didn’t…until an hour after, trying to pull the whole messaging device only receives plain text and X amount of characters. It was from his phone number though, meaning, it was not even legit, as the real notification comes from the actual network at a 900-number.

How lame.

The Last Supper: Fish Tacos and Mango Brulee, sans blowtorch

Well, we finished our family time with a strong culinary demonstration of the P.E.A.C.E.-I.I. Family’s signature dishes, fish tacos, tomatillo salsa, and “spicy slaw.” And of course, I made a pastry, a mango brulee tart this time, which did not turn out how I wanted it to, either, so…screw my away-from-home cooking skills.

Visiting with family in Denver

I got to see and spend some time around spinach salad, Whole Food’s pizza, and delicious homemade apple and pumpkin pies with family in Denver that I hadn’t seen in a while. One particular cousin and his wife are missionaries, and it was really amazing to hear about all that they were able to do with their work, especially for kids. I respect them greatly, and cannot wait to do something similarly with my life someday.

WELL, that concludes the highlights. 

feel like makin' love!

Haha, not really--just Bad Company is happening right now.

So, I am satisfactorily happy about being on break. I've found that I punish myself for not meeting my expectations, but oh, well. I don't know how to change that about myself.

For example, I hadn't eaten anything all day, and on the way home (around 9:30), we stopped in Charlotte to eat at this little sushi restaurant called Ru San's. I might add, it was in the middle of nowhere, but looked really legit--and John and Ally are both huge fans. Extensive menu. So many choices, some pricier than others. I just couldn't find it within me to reward myself with something expensive. I didn't do anywhere near as well as I wanted to this semester, so I ordered zarusoba.

I really love properly-made, fresh sushi.

I will never do and never will do as well as I want to do.
I need to give myself more credit.


On a separate note--
Today sort of began on Wednesday at 7 a.m., that is, I pulled an all-nighter last night and paid for it today. My biology exam wasn't nearly as difficult as I predicted. After I finished, I checked the answer keys that were posted by the exit, and I found that I changed a couple of answers that were originally correct, and that always pisses me off. But. It didn't really affect me all too much, I was too tired. I went back to my dorm and showered, planning to sleep for an hour since it was only 9:30 by the time I got out, and then cramming for my AERO201 final at noon. Sleep happened. Too much of it, actually. I woke up at 3:34 p.m.

Needless to say, I was extremely panicked after I realized the time. Up until that point, I was trying to make sense of the fact that I was asleep, because I was extremely disoriented in my own darkening dorm room, and I had had a "dream" that was really just me in some alternate state of consciousness, or perhaps the cerebral manifestation of the song "Everything in its Right Place" by Radiohead.

It was weird.

But, I called my professor and told him what had happened, and he was luckily very forgiving. He allowed me to go immediately to the armory (where the class is held) and take the exam. I was a little sad that I didn't get to do any additional studying, but I made a B on the exam anyway, which is what it is, considering the class has only one hour of credit.

Unfortunately, this whole sleeping and exam ordeal caused my car-full to leave two hours after the originally set time.

But, alas, I made it home around midnight. Parents were asleep already. I suppose I will see them in the morning.

Tomorrow, I want to make some ginger salad dressing. And that is all my apathetic self has to say.